we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize