If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
