you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
