this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
