On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
