I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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