party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
