Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
