That's intense
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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