Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
