i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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