Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
