I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
