You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
