i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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