dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
