Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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