It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
...so i touched it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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