I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize