I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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