My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
