i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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