I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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