Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
