Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
