just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
