one might say we're banned from that church
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
