And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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