in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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