I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
