Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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