i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
