I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
