Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
