she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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