he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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