At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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