do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
