ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
