it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
