I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
