you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ladies don't puke and tell
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
