So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
