Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
