I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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