Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
