dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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