i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
