Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
