So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
