Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
