I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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