$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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