no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
