We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
