no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
