omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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