I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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