If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize