so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
