do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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