Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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