You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
