She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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