i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
