just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
