dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
