I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
