Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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