she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
