return my video game
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
