That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
