I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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