He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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