At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
