I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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