? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
