Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
