Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
