No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize