He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
