I got chris browned last night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize