Banned from zoo.
Again?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
