I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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