11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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