i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
