Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
