oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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