Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
