Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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