so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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