so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
