If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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