Your tits are I can't wait for
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Randomize
