If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize