I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
