I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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