My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
