the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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