is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
