he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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