i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's never too late to be topless.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
