I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
