TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
