I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
