Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
