Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
