i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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