Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
