she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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